Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
