On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
