there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
