If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Welp...herpes.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
