Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
