a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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