You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i think i just lost a toe
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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