If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just pee around me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
