A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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