is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
