You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
