if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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