I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
