dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
