i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
