i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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