My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
