Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
