Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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