she was so not down for the gang bang
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
