I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Couch. On fire.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
