based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
