Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
