we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
