I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
