i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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