He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
