I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
