why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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