Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
