I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
