i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
