Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
