I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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