Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
