I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
