Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
sarcasm needs its own font
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
