Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
