She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
