her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
