think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
