she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
