Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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