If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
