If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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