Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
