I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
