Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
