Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
