What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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