I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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